This blog is dedicated to one of the most kind, loving, god-fearing woman that I have ever had the privilege to love, Mrs. Mollie 'Jo' Tucker...aka...Nana
I lost her this year, on May 13th to be exact.
I forget she's not here though, isn't that the most terrify feeling....to think nothing of picking up the phone to call someone you miss, just to realize a phone will not reach them, that their voice on this earth is gone. My nana was my voice of reason, my provider of faith when mine was lost, and the reminder that there is in fact a another place other than this, she helped me to believe. Women like this are rare. And my Granddaddy spent his whole married life making sure everyone knew that my nana was a honorable woman of God.
I can still hear her answer the phone now "Well hi shug" ('shug' being southern slang for 'sugar'), she would listen for hours to my troubles and concerns- she could talk me through any situation. It's weird not having grandparents anymore. It's like a reminder that nothing on this earth last forever. As I have struggled with my faith recently, I try and wonder what Nana & Granddaddy would say to my questioning heart. Sometimes I wonder if I mostly believe in heaven because I cannot bear the thought that those I love are 'no more' after death. When I start to think like this, I reallllly miss home. Things I miss about the south: Church, the openness of faith, KLOVE radio, praise and worshiping with friends, bible studies. There is just something very nostalgic about living in an environment that welcomes conversations about faith- now I'm not knocking the Northeast- it is what it is- and somewhere down the road I'll be able to understand the value that it has given us...but for now, i'm struggling with it.
I want to share some old photos of my Nana & Granddaddy- because they are to precious to not share.
While her last 2 years on this earth were not pleasant, selfishly I was just happy that she was still here. The entire staff at Methodist Nursing home in Fort Smith, AR were incredible. They gave her some much dignity and peace her last few years, and I will never forget the efforts of those who cared for her.
It's amazing that the bodies we try so hard to perfect, will indeed fail us eventually.
I hope everyone has at least someone in their life, this special, to remind them of what is important. I can only pray that I can live up to an ounce of the woman my nana was.
Proverbs 31: 10-31- thank you for teaching me these things nana.
I actually just wrote about "forgetting" in my blog a few months ago. It's one of those moments that just kinda breaks your spirit a little bit. Just know that you aren't alone in those feelings. As for the faith questions I can only speak from my experiences and I know it's not always easy to have faith in things unseen, but if you look and listen He will let you know that He's there. Losing your faith is easy it's the keeping it that's hard, but most of the time things that are hard have the most rewards in the end. Oh, and your blog is really cute...I love the name!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful, Me-Missy. You know as well as I do that even the strongest can waiver in faith. I wish I could say something wonderfully insightful, but I'm in the same boat, and trying to figure it out as well. 2 Cor. 12:10. ruvroo.
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